When an Underperforming Team Member Thinks You’re the Problem
The situation
You have a staff member who’s clearly struggling — missing deadlines, making mistakes, or creating tension on the team. But when you try to offer support or feedback, they push back, deflect, or act like you’re the issue.
Instead of progress, you feel stuck in an exhausting loop: trying to help someone grow who doesn’t see a problem — and may even feel blamed or misunderstood.
What’s often happening underneath
This dynamic is rarely about stubbornness or bad intent.
When stress is high, blind spots grow. Defensiveness becomes a protective reflex, not a conscious choice. Many healthcare professionals are deeply focused on task completion and intention — not always on impact.
When feedback threatens someone’s sense of competence or safety, their nervous system can shift into self-protection. At that point, even well-worded feedback won’t land — not because it’s wrong, but because it feels unsafe to hear.
What helps
To support growth without creating a power struggle, focus on safety, clarity, and impact:
Start with their perspective
Ask open questions like: “How do you feel things are going?” or “What’s felt hardest lately?”
This lowers defensiveness and often reveals more than expected.Use impact-based language
Skip vague labels. Describe what you’ve observed and how it affected others or the work.Name strengths alongside gaps
This builds trust. For example: “You’re very reliable with tasks, and I’ve also noticed moments where collaboration gets tense.”Normalize blind spots
Acknowledge that everyone has them — including you. This shifts the conversation from blame to awareness.Make it clear you’re on their side
Say explicitly that your goal is their success, not criticism.Follow up consistently
Change takes time. Notice and name small shifts so growth feels supported, not scrutinized.
Listen to the podcast episode
🎧 When Your Underperforming Staff Member Thinks You’re The Problem (Ep. 24)