When an Underperforming Team Member Thinks You’re the Problem

The situation

You have a staff member who’s clearly struggling — missing deadlines, making mistakes, or creating tension on the team. But when you try to offer support or feedback, they push back, deflect, or act like you’re the issue.

Instead of progress, you feel stuck in an exhausting loop: trying to help someone grow who doesn’t see a problem — and may even feel blamed or misunderstood.

What’s often happening underneath

This dynamic is rarely about stubbornness or bad intent.

When stress is high, blind spots grow. Defensiveness becomes a protective reflex, not a conscious choice. Many healthcare professionals are deeply focused on task completion and intention — not always on impact.

When feedback threatens someone’s sense of competence or safety, their nervous system can shift into self-protection. At that point, even well-worded feedback won’t land — not because it’s wrong, but because it feels unsafe to hear.

What helps

To support growth without creating a power struggle, focus on safety, clarity, and impact:

• Start with their perspective

  Ask open questions first. This lowers defensiveness and often reveals more context than expected.

  You might say: “How do you feel things are going lately?” or “What’s felt hardest about the work recently?”

• Use impact-based language

  Skip vague labels. Describe what you’ve observed and how it affected the team or the work.

  You might say: “When that happened in the huddle, I noticed a few team members pulled back from sharing ideas.”

• Name strengths alongside gaps

  Recognizing what someone does well helps them stay open to hearing what needs to improve.

  You might say: “You’re incredibly reliable with tasks, and I’ve also noticed moments where collaboration gets tense.”

• Normalize blind spots

  Remind them that everyone has areas they can’t easily see — including leaders.

  You might say: “All of us have blind spots — me too. This isn’t about blame, it’s about building awareness.”

• Make it clear you’re on their side

  Explicitly state your intention so the conversation feels supportive rather than adversarial.

  You might say: “I want you to succeed here, and I believe in your potential. That’s why I’m bringing this up.”

• Follow up consistently

  Growth rarely happens in one conversation. Notice and reinforce small improvements.

  You might say: “I noticed how you paused to listen in the huddle today — that made a real difference.”

Listen to the podcast episode

🎧 When Your Underperforming Staff Member Thinks You’re The Problem (Ep. 24)