When Emotions Run High at Work (Yours or Someone Else’s)

The situation

A reaction feels bigger than the moment.
Someone snaps, shuts down, gets defensive — or you do.

What should have been a small conversation suddenly feels tense, personal, or hard to recover from. And afterward, things feel off, even if the task itself gets handled.

What’s really happening

These moments are often signs of emotional armor — automatic protection strategies that activate when something touches an old wound.

Under stress, people don’t respond just to what’s happening now. They react through past experiences of feeling criticized, excluded, controlled, or unsafe. The nervous system steps in to protect self-worth.

Armor can look like:

• Shutting down or withdrawing

• Getting sharp, controlling, or defensive

• Avoiding the conversation altogether

• Over-functioning or over-apologizing
  

The behavior isn’t the root issue.
The unspoken emotional dynamic underneath it is.

What helps

Instead of trying to fix the behavior alone, shift your focus to awareness and safety.

When it’s your reaction:

• Notice when your response feels outsized

• Name what you’re feeling (even just to yourself)

• Reflect later: What might this be reminding me of?
  

When it’s someone else’s reaction:

• Lead with curiosity instead of correction

• Gently name what feels “under the table”

• Normalize that everyone has triggers — including you

• Create space for honest conversation, not just task clarity
  

When armor is acknowledged instead of ignored, trust has room to rebuild.

Listen to the podcast episode

🎧 The Armor We All Wear at Work — and How to Lead Beyond It (Ep. 18)