When Emotions Run High at Work (Yours or Someone Else’s)
The situation
A reaction feels bigger than the moment.
Someone snaps, shuts down, gets defensive — or you do.
What should have been a small conversation suddenly feels tense, personal, or hard to recover from. And afterward, things feel off, even if the task itself gets handled.
What’s really happening
These moments are often signs of emotional armor — automatic protection strategies that activate when something touches an old wound.
Under stress, people don’t respond just to what’s happening now. They react through past experiences of feeling criticized, excluded, controlled, or unsafe. The nervous system steps in to protect self-worth.
Armor can look like:
Shutting down or withdrawing
Getting sharp, controlling, or defensive
Avoiding the conversation altogether
Over-functioning or over-apologizing
The behavior isn’t the root issue.
The unspoken emotional dynamic underneath it is.
What helps
Instead of trying to fix the behavior alone, shift your focus to awareness and safety.
When it’s your reaction:
Notice when your response feels outsized
You might ask yourself: “What’s this really about?”
Name what you’re feeling
You might say to yourself: “I’m feeling defensive right now.”
That pause gives you a choice.Reflect afterward
You might ask: “Was there a past experience this reminded me of?”
When it’s someone else’s reaction:
Lead with curiosity instead of correction
You might ask: “What’s your biggest concern here?”
Gently name what feels “under the table”
You might say: “I get the sense something feels off. Can we talk about it?”
Normalize that everyone has triggers — including you
You might model it by saying: “I realize I tend to shut down when I feel overwhelmed. I’m working on that.”
Create space for honest conversation, not just task clarity
You might say: “I want to check in not just about the tasks, but about how things feel.”
Listen to the podcast episode
🎧 The Armor We All Wear at Work — and How to Lead Beyond It (Ep. 18)