When You Feel Blindsided by Pushback or Resistance
The situation
You’re trying to lead thoughtfully and do the right thing — introducing change, offering feedback, facilitating collaboration — and instead you’re met with resistance, defensiveness, or tension you didn’t expect. Meetings derail. Conversations feel harder than they should. You walk away wondering what went wrong and why leadership feels so exhausting.
What’s really happening
You’re not just dealing with individual behavior — you’re inside a system. In complex environments like healthcare, people are constantly reacting to one another in reinforcing loops. When you’re too close to the action, it’s almost impossible to see patterns clearly — including how your own leadership moves may be shaping the response you’re getting.
This is where the concept of “getting on the balcony” matters. By stepping back and observing the system — not just the moment — you gain insight into the dynamics at play and the leverage points for real change.
What helps
Shift from reacting to observing:
Pause and look for patterns, not one-off events
Step back from the moment.
You might ask yourself: “What’s the repeating dynamic here?”
Ask yourself what role you might be playing
Include yourself in the system.
You might ask yourself: “How might I be contributing to it?”
Get another perspective
Bring in someone who can see what you can’t.
You might ask them: “What do you see happening that I might be missing?”
Make one small shift in how you show up
Change your part of the dynamic and watch what happens.
Example: If you’ve been pushing too hard, try stepping back and inviting others into the process.
When you change your part of the dynamic, the system responds differently.
You don’t need to control people — you need to see the system more clearly.