When You're Struggling to Get People on Board — How to Lead With More Influence
Situation
You're trying to get people on board with a change, but giving them more information isn't moving them.
You wonder how you can move people more naturally toward a goal.
In certain environments, you feel intimidated to be yourself.
You want to have more influence without feeling like you're performing.
We tend to think some people are naturally charismatic and some people just aren't.
But there's a difference between having a personality people are naturally drawn to and having the ability to move people toward something.
And that means leadership charisma may be much more available to you than you think.
What's Really Happening
Leadership charisma isn't just about drawing people to you.
It's about your ability to move people toward something.
A vision. A goal. Something you believe in and want other people to believe in, too.
That comes through in what you say, how you say it, whether people can feel that you actually believe what you're saying, and your ability to sense what's happening around you and respond to the moment you're in.
Research suggests that at least some of what makes us experience someone as charismatic can be learned and practiced.
But becoming a more charismatic leader doesn't necessarily mean adding a whole bunch of new behaviors.
Sometimes it's recognizing what you already do that connects with people and doing more of it, especially in the situations where you tend to hold yourself back.
What Helps
Notice where you're already good at connecting with people
Think about the people or situations where you feel comfortable being yourself.
Maybe you're funny. Warm. A little quirky. Maybe you're a storyteller.
Or maybe you're quieter, but you're really good at making people feel like you're completely present with them.
What do you do naturally when you're comfortable?
Pay particular attention to whether those qualities disappear in situations where you feel intimidated, or you’re trying especially hard to be credible.
Sometimes the answer isn't to add something.
It's to stop editing out the parts of yourself people already connect with.
Don't only tell people what's happening. Tell them why it matters to you.
People need the information.
But information alone doesn't necessarily move them.
Let them see what you care about.
Instead of only explaining a new process, you might say: "I'm pushing on this because I don't think our nurses should have to work this hard to get something this simple done."
Why it matters to you isn't always the same as why it's important to the organization.
Letting people see that difference helps them understand what you believe in, not just what you're asking them to do.
Acknowledge what people are already feeling
If the people in the room are frustrated, don't pretend they aren’t.
You can say: "I know you're frustrated. There are parts of this I'm frustrated by too."
You don't have to pretend you agree with every part of a decision in order to support it.
You can disagree with parts of it, understand that there are factors beyond your control, and still care about making it work.
People are really good at sensing when what you're saying doesn't match what you're actually feeling.
It's not just the words you use or how you deliver them.
It's that people can feel when you genuinely believe what you're saying.
That's what gives your words credibility.
Let people know you believe in them
Sometimes your team needs to hear: "I've watched what this team can do. I believe we can figure this out."
And they need you to mean it.
Before your next important meeting, ask yourself:
What do I want people to believe when they leave?
That this is hard, but doable?
That what we're doing matters?
That I trust this team?
Then don't assume they know that.
Say it out loud.
You don't need to suddenly become charismatic.
Let people see what you care about. Say what you believe. And let them feel that you believe in them.