How to Reclaim Your Time and Energy When It’s Hard to Disconnect From Work

Situation

You may be experiencing this if:

• You finally stop working, but your mind keeps going

• You feel restless or uneasy during downtime

• You find yourself checking email or thinking ahead without meaning to

• It’s hard to fully relax, even when nothing urgent is happening

• You feel like you should be doing something, even when you’re not

From the outside, this can look like dedication.

You care deeply.You’re responsible.People rely on you.

But inside, it doesn’t feel like a choice anymore.

What’s Really Happening

There’s a difference between working hard…and feeling like you don’t fully know how to stop.

The key insight is this:For many leaders, work gradually becomes tied to identity, self-worth, and a sense of control.

Over time, your nervous system starts learning:

“When I’m productive, I’m okay.”“When I stay ahead of things, I can relax.”“When I stop, something might fall apart.”

So even when you’re not working, part of you still is.

And that’s why:

• Rest can feel uncomfortable

• Stillness can feel unfamiliar

• And your mind keeps scanning for what’s next

This isn’t about a lack of discipline.

It’s a pattern your system has learned — especially in environments that reward constant output.

What Helps

• Notice what happens when you try to stop

  Pay attention to your experience when the workday ends.

  Do you feel relief — or restlessness?

  For example:

  • Sitting down and immediately thinking about tomorrow

  • Feeling the urge to “just check one more thing”

  That awareness is the starting point for change.

• Reduce the pressure to “fix” it quickly

  These patterns didn’t form overnight.

  They likely helped you succeed and support others.

  Instead of pushing yourself to suddenly disconnect perfectly,focus on creating small shifts.

  This is about flexibility — not less ambition.

• Practice small moments of true stopping

  Start with very small, intentional pauses.

  For example:

  • Taking a short walk without multitasking

  • Listening to music without doing anything else

  • Sitting outside for a few minutes without input

  You’re teaching your system: “It’s safe to stop.”

• Pay attention to what gets crowded out

  Notice what starts disappearing as work takes up more space.

  For example:

  • Time with family or friends

  • Moments of rest

  • Things that feel fun, curious, or just for you

  You might see it when:

  • You’re saying “no” more often to things that matter to you

  • Or your schedule feels full, but your life feels narrow

  These are early signals that something may need to be recalibrated.

• Reconnect with who you are outside of work

  Work can be meaningful — but it’s not meant to hold your entire identity.

  Start small.

  Explore:

  • What makes you lose track of time?

  • What makes you laugh?

  • What makes you feel curious? Creative? Connected? Playful?

  Your answers remind you that your worth and safety aren’t tied to constant output.

Sustainable leadership isn’t about working less.

It’s about being able to work intensely when needed —and also come back to yourself when it’s over.

Listen to the podcast episode

🎧 The Slippery Slope From Dedicated Leader to Workaholic (Ep. 70)