When Leadership Feels Stuck in the Same Patterns
The situation
You may notice this when you set leadership goals—but outcomes don’t change.
Different year.
Same patterns.
Leadership starts to feel repetitive—like nothing really shifts.
What’s often happening underneath
This usually isn’t a motivation or discipline problem.
It’s a protection pattern.
Over time, leaders develop roles that once helped them succeed:
The fixer
The peacemaker
The quiet observer
The one who carries the risk
These patterns made sense earlier in your career.
But under pressure, they can keep running on autopilot—long after the context has changed.
And when the pattern doesn’t change, the outcome doesn’t either.
What helps
Work with the pattern instead of fighting it.
Name the goal that matters most right now
Be specific about what you want to be different.
For example:
Delegate more so you’re not drowning
Be more strategic instead of staying in the weeds
Speak up with senior leaders instead of staying quiet
Create a calmer team culture instead of constant firefighting
Notice the repeat outcome that keeps blocking that goal
Look for what reliably happens instead.
For example:
You intend to delegate, but key decisions always end up back with you
You want to be strategic, but your calendar fills with urgent fixes
You leave important meetings thinking, “I didn’t say what I actually thought”
Identify the role you step into under pressure
Many leaders default to roles that once helped them succeed, such as:
The fixer — stepping in so nothing falls apart
The peacemaker — smoothing things over to avoid conflict
The quiet observer — holding back until it feels safe
These roles aren’t flaws — they’re learned protections.
Ask what the pattern protects you from
Underneath each role is often a fear it’s trying to prevent.
For example:
Being blamed if something goes wrong
Conflict, disapproval, or disappointing others
Losing control or being seen as out of touch
Design a small, tolerable experiment
Instead of a big leap, loosen the pattern by about 5%.
For example:
If you tend to fix: delegate one decision — and let it be 80% perfect
If you tend to rescue: pause for 24 hours and ask, “What’s your plan?”
If you tend to stay quiet: speak once in the first five minutes of a meeting — a question counts
These experiments are meant to be safe enough for your nervous system.
Reflect and adjust
After the experiment, ask:
What didn’t happen that you feared would?
What surprised you?
What did your system learn?
That learning — not force — is what allows change to stick.
Change happens when your nervous system learns something new.
Listen to the podcast episode
🎧 Stop Self-Sabotaging And Build The Leadership Life You Want (Ep. 54)