When Team Drama Keeps Repeating — and You’re Stuck in the Middle
The situation
The same interpersonal issues keep resurfacing.
One person vents.
Another shuts down.
And somehow, you end up in the middle — smoothing things over, talking to each side, trying to keep the peace.
You handle it… but it never really resolves.
What’s really happening
This pattern is often a version of the Drama Triangle.
In tense situations, people can unconsciously fall into familiar roles:
Victim – feeling powerless or mistreated
Persecutor – blaming or criticizing
Rescuer – stepping in to fix, smooth, or carry the emotional load
As a leader, it’s easy to slip into the rescuer role — especially when you care. But rescuing keeps the pattern alive. Problems get temporarily managed instead of actually resolved, and responsibility stays with you instead of where it belongs.
What helps
The way out isn’t avoidance — it’s a role shift.
Instead of rescuing, move toward coaching:
Pause before stepping in
Notice the urge to fix and check if it’s actually needed.
You might ask yourself: “Does this really need me to step in?”
Ask questions that return ownership
Shift responsibility back to the person instead of taking it on.
You might ask:
“What have you already tried?”
“What’s one step you could take next?”
“What would a good outcome look like for you?”
Support people in having the conversation
Guide them instead of stepping in for them.
You might ask: “Would you want help thinking through how to talk to her about it?”
Step in directly only when it truly requires leadership intervention
Use your judgment when something crosses a line.
The only time the answer would be yes is when behavior crosses ethical and safety boundaries.
This shift builds capability, not dependency — and it protects your energy.