You're Trying To Control Everything — How to Trust In a Friendly Universe
Situation
You may be experiencing this if:
You're worried about making the wrong decision.
You spend a lot of time thinking through every possible outcome.
You find yourself replaying choices or wondering if you've missed something.
Unexpected changes leave you feeling anxious or discouraged.
You feel like you need to have your future mapped out before you can move forward.
As leaders, we're constantly asked to make important decisions with incomplete information.
We plan carefully, anticipate risks, and try to avoid mistakes. Those are valuable leadership skills.
But sometimes our planning turns into something else: an attempt to create certainty where none exists.
What's Really Happening
Many of us believe peace comes from making the right decision.
From predicting the future.
From avoiding regret.
But life doesn't offer guarantees.
Plans change.
People change.
Careers change.
Entire chapters begin and end without asking our permission.
The deeper invitation isn't to become better at controlling life.
It's to develop a different relationship with life.
Instead of asking: "How do I make sure everything works out?"
we begin asking: "What might my life experiences be inviting me to become?"
That shift doesn't erase disappointment or grief.
But it changes the way we move through them.
What Helps
Look for the gifts in hindsight
Think back to a chapter of your life that didn't unfold the way you hoped.
Maybe it was:
a job you didn't get
a relationship that ended
a difficult season
an unexpected career change
At the time, it may have felt like life was working against you.
Looking back now, what did that experience give you?
Not because you would choose to repeat it, but because it shaped who you've become.
Notice when planning becomes control
Planning is part of good leadership.
But there comes a point where planning stops helping and starts becoming an attempt to eliminate uncertainty.
The next time things don't go according to plan, pause and ask yourself:
“Am I trying to solve a problem—or am I trying to create certainty?"
That question can help you recognize when fear is quietly taking over.
Practice curiosity instead of certainty
When life surprises you, your first instinct may be:
Something has gone wrong.
I made the wrong decision.
Everything is falling apart.
Instead, experiment with asking: "I wonder what life is inviting me toward?"
You may not know the answer immediately.
The value of the question is that it opens you to possibilities you couldn't see before.
Pay attention to your relationship with life
We all have an ongoing conversation with life.
Some days it sounds like:
I'm behind.
I should have done better.
Maybe I'm not cut out for this.
You don't have to argue with those thoughts.
Just notice them.
Awareness is the first step toward choosing a different relationship—one that's built on trust instead of fear.
Focus on the next step
One of the greatest sources of anxiety is believing we need to figure out the entire path before we begin.
But leadership rarely works that way.
Instead of trying to solve the next five years, ask yourself: "What's my next right step?"
Then take it.
Trust that clarity often comes through movement—not before it.
You don't have to know exactly where every path leads before moving forward.
Many of the chapters that shape us most are the ones we never would have chosen for ourselves.
Sometimes leadership isn't about creating the perfect plan.
It's about staying open to the possibility that life is unfolding in ways you can't yet see.